On the Flip side
So growing up as a child of Filipino immigrants who was the first one in the family to be born in the United States, was often confusing. I felt both American and Filipino and with good reason. My identity was of a child who was always trying to fit in. Always looking for where I belonged. Never really knowing. But at the same time as I was hanging out with the neighborhood kids, my mother was feeding us food that was unfamiliar to my friends. I distinctly remember not wanting to be different, so I didn’t want to eat sandwiches or lunches at school that were different. My mom would pack our lunches with Filipino fried chicken wrapped in aluminum foil. (now I would kill for that chicken!) When I was in the third and fourth grade at Ordnance Elementary School in Point Pleasant, WV, I longed for lunch money so I could buy pizza and tater tots and be like everyone else. (The grilled-cheese sandwiches were my favorite) I never wanted the brown-bag lunch I was always forced to eat.
To this day, I’ve never been to the Philippines, though it’s on my list of trips. Both my parents have passed away now and I find myself curious about my past and my heritage and their country. My parents never went back the Philippines, like most of their friends always did. I think although they loved their country, they were somewhat disconnected. And wanting to try and build a life here in the U.S. took all their energy. Not to mention having 4 Americanized children who didn’t appreciate their home country as much as the United States. Both my older brother and sister were actually born in the Philippines and my parents immigrated with them in 1966. In those early days, there was little money for trips home, but they sent a lot of packages home and received packages from relatives. Once they were on their own building a life, they essentially never looked back. My parents were both older siblings in their families. Both independent and up to the challenge of forging a new life. They were true life partners. They relied on each other heavily and knew they could rely on each other.
Besides food, there were other Filipino influences in my life, but none so much a part of me as food. I was the younger daughter, so I was expected to help my mom in the kitchen often. I resented it growing up actually because I always wanted to be sitting in front of the TV with my brothers watching Star Trek! Not that I was a geek, but just wanted to be free like the others. But no, I was in the kitchen rolling up egg rolls. I’m glad of it now, but I wasn’t paying much attention to what I was doing. I do have the egg roll recipe though, so that’s a good thing. But I don’t have that fried chicken recipe (though I probably do know some of it from watching my mother for years, I’ve never attempted the process myself). After my mother died in 1994, I realized I didn’t have the Adobo recipe, the siopao recipe, the empanada recipe, the jelly roll recipe, the pancit recipe, and on and on. I was missing a huge part of myself. And as a child, I wanted nothing to do with those recipes.
I was filled with regret and loss over not having that part of myself. I asked relatives and family friends over the years for their recipes. Bitter that I had to settle for other people’s recipes over my mom’s. But over the years, searching for my mother in those recipes has been kind of a catharsis, too. I’ve changed and adapted and learned over the years. My mom was a chemist by training and she was an excellent cook, so I like to think she’s enjoying my process of discovery as I search for my own answers. And now that we have the internet, I can search more easily for recipes. Tho, the fried chicken still eludes me.
As I said, I’ve never been to the Philippines, but from what I know of it, there is a large seafood influence, as well as influences from occupation during WWII. There was a large influence from the American Military bases nearby, as well as the Spanish missionaries that came to the islands to convert all the natives. Religion played a large part in my parents’ lives, too. My mother also had some Latin American influences in her family (I think), so her cooking style was kind of an eclectic mix. My brothers and sister and I didn’t eat everything that was laid out upon the dinner table, but in my later years, I am becoming a little more adventurous in my eating. I still won’t touch bagoong (a salty fish sauce) or ‘chocolate pudding’ (a lie all Filipino parents tell their children when the item is actually pigs blood), but I have evolved a little more. I never invited friends home because I was always worried what my mother would have thawing on the counter. Usually it was a cow’s tongue, which is a delicacy in the Philippines that I still can’t imagine eating. I used to laugh and tell my mom, I don’t want to eat anything that can taste me back!
This blog for me is a search of my heritage as well as a learning tool for storing and being able to find all the recipes I want, when I need them. I’ll post recipes, remembrances, links, and pictures of Filipino dishes that I come across and I promise to share things I find that might be of interest. I have a past as a copy editor, designer, photo editor and web designer, so research is in my blood. I expect I’ll share historical tidbits and family stories as much as possible. I’m not a ‘sharer’ by nature. Filipinos nowadays are sharing way too much especially online, but my mother and father were private, so I swing the opposite way. But, I think this is a good way to share my story and their story, but through food. I hope you enjoy my journey and I hope other share their recipes and remembrances as well!